I tried not to write this....

Tonight we went to Larry's Pizza.  They were having "celebrities" wait the tables for tips and all of the tips benefited the American Cancer Society.  It was a GREAT night!  I love those nights where you do something and it turns into more fun than you ever could have imagined...yeah...one of those!

However, there is been something I have felt the need to blog about...but haven't.  I don't know why I haven't....almost afraid to write it maybe...afraid to put it out there, but it is making me crazy so I will just do it.

In January of this year I started working with a 17 year old girl.....she has cancer and had a bad diagnosis.  They didn't expect her to live very long.  At first I actually said no to doing this...I had so much going on...2 kids, school, teaching at the gym, soccer, gymnastics, my husband, PTO president at my girls school, and everything else in my life!  However, I knew I was supposed to do this.  She has made it just about 8 months now, since I started.  But, things are going down hill fast.  I went and saw her last week and lost it when I got home.  She is can't talk, she is just bones, she is not the girl I worked with in January, or March, or June for that matter.  I hurt....I hurt for her, for her mom, and even for myself.  Here is the bad thing...I didn't want to go....Yes, I admitted it.  It is just so hard to see.  However, not going isn't an option...I HAVE to go...I mean literally, it would be harder for me to NOT go.......

I have had some wonderful friends who have given advice and listened to me ramble and I am so grateful for those people who had unexpected texts, phone calls, inboxes...but one thing stood out.  One response really hit home for me....she told me that people are only brave when they are afraid and that people are only strong when they are tired.......I don't know if this makes sense to you like it does to me....I don't consider myself strong or brave...I consider this sweet girl and her mother these things.  However, when I do go and visit her weekly I do ask God to help me be strong and in some ways brave.

If you have a chance...please pray for this sweet girl in her final days or weeks......I know we are at the end.  My prayer is that she doesn't suffer......I will continue to go and be there for her and her mom....I have learned so much about strength and bravery from them.

I actually feel better now...thanks to those of you who read.