Tuesday, December 29, 2015

New Year....Same Me!

I love the start of a new year!  It is so exciting!  New beginnings, new goals, new plans, it's just so exciting!  I typically make several New Years Resolutions and this year is no different.  So...let's not let suspense build too much....:)

My 2016 Goals:

1. Be more accepting of myself.  Now this sounds silly, but the truth is I could stand to lose a few pounds, eat healthier, etc.   I'm not saying I am not going to work towards those goals still, but overall, I'm okay with me.  I don't want to critique myself ALL the time.  I want to be more comfortable just being the way I am.  The happier you are with yourself, the happier you are in life.

2. Spend more time with people.  With this goal, I mean I want to spend more time WITH people, not in the social media world, but physically with people.  My goal will be to do something with someone at least once a month!  So.......if you are free, let me know....we can get together!!!  :)

3. Spend more quality time with my family.  In society today, technology rules.....but I don't want my life to be dictated by what society says is important.  So, I hope to put my electronics down more in 2016 and enjoy more quality time with my family....and maybe even a few more date nights with my husband.  :)

4. 365 days of happiness.  This December my husband has encouraged a "30 days of happiness" journey for me.  Now, this has led to all sorts of fun treats and lots of pasta, but I have found that since we have joked about even the littlest of things being "happiness treats" that I, in turn, have been happier.  Being happy is up to me and I am usually a pretty happy person, but life can definitely get in the way of happiness.  I am not so naive to think that EVERY day will be rainbows and butterflies, but my hope is to focus more on the positives of each day and not let the negatives of life and the negativity of others drag me down.

I am excited about 2016!!  These years are just flying by and I hope to be more "present" this upcoming year than ever before.   Happy (almost) New Year!!!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

9 Months Later.....

It's Mother's Day....and today has been perfect.  My husband and girls have gone above and beyond to make today a fantastic day!  I am blessed.

9 months.....It's been 9 months since Autumn was diagnosed Type 1.  (Not the 9 months you were thinking, probably.)  The other night Mark and I truly "talked about things" again.  It's funny, you become so involved in your own lives that you just kind of "skirt" certain issues.  Now, we talk about diabetes often....just not how we feel about it.  And the other night we talked.....it was nice.  We are at the stage now where Autumn looks great, feels great, and acts like her "old self" again.  So, there isn't a "need" to dwell on our feelings, but we still have them.

This weekend meant so much to me.  I watched Autumn play like she couldn't play last summer.  I watched her and Allie in the backyard for hours...jumping on the trampoline, playing frisbee, laughing like there are no cares in the world.  They were doing EXACTLY what they SHOULD be doing....and in turn, Mark and I laughed and smiled and played with them, feeling like we had no cares in the world.

It sounds silly and selfish...but my birthday was right after we got home from the hospital and Thanksgiving and Christmas were a blur....Easter was nice....but this holiday, Mother's Day....it was a perfect day for me.

I am blessed and my heart is happy.......today was a perfect day in my mind.

I hope your day was a fabulous one too.  :)

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Feelings....nothing more than feelings....

A lot has been on mind lately and since I can't seem to shake it, I figured I would write about it.

Ever since Autumn has been diagnosed I have had more sad days.....now, I still have more happy than sad days, but more sad days than I am used to.  I am not sure if I am more compassionate or less compassionate now.  I tend to notice how some people complain a lot about little things....and how they want a lot of attention about those little things, when I would like people to just ask me about my big things.....like, How is your daughter doing...or maybe even...how are YOU doing?  It's not anything that people need to dwell on....but still, it would be nice.

It is hard being the parent of a Type 1 diabetic.  The truth is, mine is handling it AWESOMELY, which makes my sad days even harder.  She has said multiple times that she likes having it...it makes her feel more special, and that everything she accomplishes she will have done despite having diabetes.  I am beyond proud of her for her amazing attitude, but I still wish she didn't have it.

I try to remember that we are blessed by having insulin in our lives to keep Autumn happy and healthy and then I realize that insulin is keeping her alive and that is a little crazy, when I stop and think about it.  None the less, it is a blessing.

A lot has changed in my family's life in the past 5 months and sometimes I have to remember that too, it has only been 5 months.  I have to remind myself it is ok to have sad moments, but I also know very few people want to be around you on during your sad moments, but it's still ok to have them.

I am very blessed by the family and friends that I have.  I am thankful that my daughter has fantastic friends and that her friends have continued to love her and want to hang out with her, I am thankful for the parents of her friends who have continued to treat her as their own.

I try to be a very positive, up beat person, but sometimes that is tough.  I know everyone goes through stages like this......I hope I can be the friend they need me to be and I hope people know that sad/bad days are ok.....they make the good days that much better.

As everyone tells me....Type 1 diabetes is manageable and my daughter can (and will) be able to live a very healthy and normal life......I just wish she didn't have it.

Monday, December 30, 2013


The year is almost over.  Yay!  I am good with this year ending.  If I recall correctly, the first half of the year was pretty good!  Although to be honest, I don't remember much about it.  I do however remember plenty about the last 4 months of this year, especially since Autumn's Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis.  I have blogged about that before...so I really want to focus on what I have learned this year...the good and the not so good.

1. I have learned that family WILL be there for you.  I can't tell you how important and impacting that has been for me.  I have learned more about strength and courage from them than I could imagine.  And, I am not just talking about my little foursome.  My whole family has been such a positive impact and I am so thankful for the love that we felt/and still feel.  We are blessed.

2. I have learned that I am blessed with friends.  Now, I am going to be honest on this one.  I have some AMAZING friends, some I didn't even expect to do as much as they did and some that didn't do near what I expected.  The truth...it's ok, either way.  The ones who went above and beyond totally made up for the ones that didn't. To those who were there, I am forever thankful.  Your love and compassion helped me in a time that I needed love and compassion the most.  And to those that didn't do what I expected...well, that's ok.  This was my storm to battle and not theirs......and it's ok.

3. I know God is there.  Throughout the past 4 months of this year I have realized the role God has played....how He has been there and how He was working on our family LONG before I realized how much I was going to need Him.  I am thankful for the times God allowed me to be sad, pray, and ask questions....and yet still knew He loved me and was listening.

4. I have learned a whole new form of math....carb counting..insulin calculating....blood sugar numbers....lots of math.  :)

5.  I have learned that A LOT of people don't understand what Type 1 Diabetes is....and that is ok.  It was hard at first....when people would tell me they were surprised Autumn had it, because she was thin. Or the people who told me surely she could get it under control with a pill and be ok.  Unfortunately, her pancreas as stopped working and she will need insulin for the rest of her life.  So many people don't know the difference between Type 1 and Type 2....I didn't until we were faced with it.

6.  I have learned that sometimes, in the darkest days, we just need people to listen.   Sometimes the words that we use don't actually comfort people....the best thing we can do is listen and just BE there with them.  Now, I don't mean this bad and if you are thinking....Oh, did I do this...no worries....I know people were trying to say the right things and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.  But, I always knew people were trying.

7. I have learned that even in the toughest of times we will be given positive things to focus on.  I try to be a very positive person, but struggled a lot at the end of the year.  However, the students I had this semester, the friends that were present, my wonderful family, the prayers people prayed, and the things I allowed myself to enjoy helped bring the optimism back.

8. I have learned my girls are resilient and I could not be any more proud of them.  They are amazing. I appreciate their health and giggles more than ever.  I have learned my husband is amazing.  He is always willing to listen and be there.  He has allowed me to cry tears of sadness and tears of joy and has continued to love me.

9.  I have learned we are going to be okay.  In early October I wondered how we would make it day to day....and now I know we can.  We will have tough days and probably go through tough times.  We still will live blood sugar check to blood sugar check. But, I can tell we will be okay.

I love my sweet family!  

2013 has taught me a lot.  However, I am good with it going away and I pray that 2014 is a year of love, laughter, good health, and good memories for my family and yours.  Happy New Year (almost)!  :)

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Our New Normal

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged.  To be honest, I couldn't really think of anything to say and now I can't stop thinking about what I want to say, so I figured I would go ahead and write it down.

My 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes on September 30th.  It was a true whirlwind of a day.  We knew things weren't "right" with her and had been noticing changes for a few weeks, but since diabetes doesn't run in our families it never occurred to us.  Sunday, September 29th we knew things were wrong.  She was tired all day.  She slept all day.  She looked pale and just wasn't herself.  We thought about taking her to an ER then, but what do we say...our daughter is tired?  She would wake up and tell us she was feeling better...but then sleep again.  We knew she would need to go to the doctor and so we planned to make her an appointment the next day.  By this time I had entered her symptoms into Google and diabetes was at the top of the list.  I even talked to a few people and I truly had a feeling that is what it would be.....but I was hoping I would be wrong.  Autumn got sick that night and I laid with her for a few hours...praying for her.  I was actually scared I would miss her last breath...she looked so pitiful...though she wasn't complaining at all.  I went to work the next morning and Mark made the appointment.  He took her to the doctor at 10:30 and I got the message by 11 that she was going to be heading to Arkansas Children's Hospital by ambulance.  She had onset of childhood diabetes and they needed to get her there quickly.

Naturally, I felt like my world was falling apart.  In hindsight there were tons of signs that we should have picked up on, but with her starting middle school this year we assumed a lot of it was that.  Autumn grew 2-3 inches in the past few weeks and she had gotten skinnier, she was quieter, more tired, drinking lots of water, and was using the restroom a lot.  She was confused at times and seemed to ask the goofiest of questions.  Now...factoring in middle school to us it looked like this....Autumn had a growth spurt, but her weight didn't increase yet.  She had friend changes and was just sad about them.  She was tired because she was in middle school and soccer and youth at church.  She drank lots of water because it was hot and she was exerting energy.  She used the restroom a lot because she was drinking lots of water.  She asked goofy questions because her mom is a blonde and she must have caught this trait too.

We spent 5 days in ACH and have learned lots.  Autumn is handling things so well.  Though she cried some at first and asked why a LOT she has truly taken hold of this situation.  In type 1 diabetes, her pancreas has stopped working.  There was nothing we could do prevent this from happening....so a different diet or changing her food wouldn't have prevented this.  Unfortunately this will be something Autumn will have to deal with forever.  I pray there is a cure and she has already said she hopes to be the first person cured from diabetes!

As I have said, we are working on our new normal and our typical schedule looks like this:

6:30 a.m. check blood sugar
6:40 a.m. eat breakfast (count carbs...for every 15 grams of carbs she eats she will need 1 unit of insulin)
7:00 a.m. give insulin

9:00 a.m. wait for the nurse to give us her blood sugar check

10:00 a.m.  Autumn can have a 15 gram snack (anything over will require insulin)

12:00 p.m.  check blood sugar
12:05 p.m. eat lunch (we send a detailed list of her lunch that includes the amount of carbs..same as breakfast)
12:20 p.m. insulin is given

3:00 p.m. blood sugar is checked at school before she leaves for the day

4:00 p.m. Autumn can have a snack...under 15 grams again

5:30ish p.m.  Autumn's blood sugar is checked
5:45ish p.m. eat dinner (count carbs..same as other meals)
6:15ish p.m. Insulin is given

7:45 p.m. Autumn's blood sugar is checked
8:00 p.m. Autumn can have a 20-25 gram snack
8:30 p.m. Insulin is given

2:00 a.m. Check blood sugar

We want Autumn's blood sugar to stay between 70-150...anything under 70 requires sugar to keep her levels up.

If Autumn is involved in much exercise we will check her blood sugar more or if she ever feels off, shaky, etc. we check it then as well.

Our new normal is becoming more normal.  We are learning so much every day.  Sometimes I am devastated by all that has happened and other times I feel like this is just one more thing for us to conquer.  This is our new normal and I know we are blessed.  Being honest, I am mentally exhausted.  Despite our situations in our own lives, others expect us to be the same we have always been, which has been hard for me at times lately.  We are a work in progress...but I love my family and am more proud of them than they could ever know.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

It's tough...that's all there is to it....but..the feeling after it's done....AWESOME!

I think there are some misconceptions about people who work out. The one I think is the biggest is the fact that it is easy for those that do it.  By that I mean that some people think it is easier for people who work out to do it.  I don't think that is accurate.  To be honest...there are a LOT of days I have to tell myself to work out.  I have to make myself lace up my sneakers...I have to make myself pick up the weights.....I have to make myself drink my water.....not every day is easy.  There have been some days where I am disappointed in myself for not running farther or faster.  There have been days I have been so excited for how far I did run or my times.  But the truth is...most days I do it and I feel good after....strike that I feel GREAT after.  Even on my "bad workout days" I know I did it and that makes me happy.  Today, I had NO desire to work out....however...I just finished 4.25 miles and I am glad I did it.

My running goal for 2013 is 750 miles.  This averages out to 62.5 miles a month...about 15.5 a week.  My September is super busy...so I have been trying to get in extra miles this summer (when I'm not as busy) so if I struggle in September it will be okay.  I went on vacation the first of July, so I tried to get in a few extra the week before in case I didn't do as well on vacation.  I'm not going to lie...it is easier for me to get my miles in the summer when I don't go to school every day.  But that only accounts for about 2 1/2 months of the year.  The other 9 1/2 months are tough.  My school year is crazy....I teach high school kids, coach high school tennis (in the fall), teach a fitness class once a week, and coach one of my daughter's soccer teams (in the spring), plus am a MOM and WIFE.  I am busy....I'm not complaining at all...just trying to point out that finding the time to work out is tough.

Working out has become a MUST for me.  I have lost 20 pounds in the past 2 years and dropped 4 jean sizes and as AWESOME as that is for me (and no...I'm not looking for accolades) the mental aspect of it is possibly even bigger.  I feel better after I have worked out.  I can tell if it has been a few days since I have ran/worked out...I'm not as nice....I'm not as energized.  There is a sense of accomplishment/pride after finishing a workout.  I love knowing it's done.  :)

Just know.....working out/running isn't easy.....it takes determination, time, energy, and motivation.  But, if you had time to read this....you probably had time to do some type of workout.....:)  Have a GREAT day!

Sunday, March 17, 2013


Tonight was an EPIC fail.  We have tons of work to do.  Is it manageable?  Can it be accomplished?  Yes!  But, will it take time?  Will it take patience?  Will it take life changes?  Yes! Yes! Yes!

I was with a friend recently, shopping, when she purchased cloth napkins.  I asked her why and she said because she wanted to teach her kids manners and how to eat properly.  Hmmmm.......fast forward a few weeks later and you have what happened tonight.

I obviously think today is a major holiday.  For dinner tonight I made a pork loin, hash brown casserole, macaroni and cheese, jalapeno corn, rolls and a cake for dessert.  It is amazing how just knowing I don't have to work tomorrow makes me feel like cooking!   As we were getting ready to eat tonight I decided to pull out the cloth napkins. We have BUNCHES of cloth napkins, no idea how or why, but we do.  I typically use them when we are celebrating a holiday at our house.  That being said, I KNOW the girls have seen/used cloth napkins before.  I know they have used them at my moms house and I am pretty sure they have used them at our house.  So, when Autumn walked into the kitchen and asked why we there were rags by her plate at dinner I was shocked!  WHAT?!?  How does she not know what a cloth napkin is???

Fast forward to meal time.... we sit and say grace and begin our meal.  I notice the elbows...4 of them on the table, all belonging to 2 sweet girls.  I notice how often they talk with food in their mouth.  I notice how they scoop food with their hands, I notice how (after being directed to put their napkins in their lap) rarely they use their napkins.  We even pulled out an actual butter knife tonight and the girls asked what it was?

To be honest...it was a bit surreal as we sat there tonight.  I also realize we can't change all of the things in one sitting.  We picked out biggest battles tonight....napkins, elbows, and talking with food in their mouths.  There is sooooo much more to work on.  I am admitting that we are LAZY at meal times...we eat in front of the TV more often than we should,  we often hurry through our meals to get to our next activity, and we often overlook what it is going on right in front of us.  But, that all changes as of tonight.  We can't expect our girls to act they way we want them to if we haven't taught them to do it.  So, dinner may take a little longer and it will take some work on all of our parts....but we will succeed and we will be the kind of family that knows what to do with cloth napkins.  :)