Feelings....nothing more than feelings....

A lot has been on mind lately and since I can't seem to shake it, I figured I would write about it.

Ever since Autumn has been diagnosed I have had more sad days.....now, I still have more happy than sad days, but more sad days than I am used to.  I am not sure if I am more compassionate or less compassionate now.  I tend to notice how some people complain a lot about little things....and how they want a lot of attention about those little things, when I would like people to just ask me about my big things.....like, How is your daughter doing...or maybe even...how are YOU doing?  It's not anything that people need to dwell on....but still, it would be nice.

It is hard being the parent of a Type 1 diabetic.  The truth is, mine is handling it AWESOMELY, which makes my sad days even harder.  She has said multiple times that she likes having it...it makes her feel more special, and that everything she accomplishes she will have done despite having diabetes.  I am beyond proud of her for her amazing attitude, but I still wish she didn't have it.

I try to remember that we are blessed by having insulin in our lives to keep Autumn happy and healthy and then I realize that insulin is keeping her alive and that is a little crazy, when I stop and think about it.  None the less, it is a blessing.

A lot has changed in my family's life in the past 5 months and sometimes I have to remember that too, it has only been 5 months.  I have to remind myself it is ok to have sad moments, but I also know very few people want to be around you on during your sad moments, but it's still ok to have them.

I am very blessed by the family and friends that I have.  I am thankful that my daughter has fantastic friends and that her friends have continued to love her and want to hang out with her, I am thankful for the parents of her friends who have continued to treat her as their own.

I try to be a very positive, up beat person, but sometimes that is tough.  I know everyone goes through stages like this......I hope I can be the friend they need me to be and I hope people know that sad/bad days are ok.....they make the good days that much better.

As everyone tells me....Type 1 diabetes is manageable and my daughter can (and will) be able to live a very healthy and normal life......I just wish she didn't have it.

2013---Reflections

The year is almost over.  Yay!  I am good with this year ending.  If I recall correctly, the first half of the year was pretty good!  Although to be honest, I don't remember much about it.  I do however remember plenty about the last 4 months of this year, especially since Autumn's Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis.  I have blogged about that before...so I really want to focus on what I have learned this year...the good and the not so good.

1. I have learned that family WILL be there for you.  I can't tell you how important and impacting that has been for me.  I have learned more about strength and courage from them than I could imagine.  And, I am not just talking about my little foursome.  My whole family has been such a positive impact and I am so thankful for the love that we felt/and still feel.  We are blessed.

2. I have learned that I am blessed with friends.  Now, I am going to be honest on this one.  I have some AMAZING friends, some I didn't even expect to do as much as they did and some that didn't do near what I expected.  The truth...it's ok, either way.  The ones who went above and beyond totally made up for the ones that didn't. To those who were there, I am forever thankful.  Your love and compassion helped me in a time that I needed love and compassion the most.  And to those that didn't do what I expected...well, that's ok.  This was my storm to battle and not theirs......and it's ok.

3. I know God is there.  Throughout the past 4 months of this year I have realized the role God has played....how He has been there and how He was working on our family LONG before I realized how much I was going to need Him.  I am thankful for the times God allowed me to be sad, pray, and ask questions....and yet still knew He loved me and was listening.

4. I have learned a whole new form of math....carb counting..insulin calculating....blood sugar numbers....lots of math.  :)

5.  I have learned that A LOT of people don't understand what Type 1 Diabetes is....and that is ok.  It was hard at first....when people would tell me they were surprised Autumn had it, because she was thin. Or the people who told me surely she could get it under control with a pill and be ok.  Unfortunately, her pancreas as stopped working and she will need insulin for the rest of her life.  So many people don't know the difference between Type 1 and Type 2....I didn't until we were faced with it.

6.  I have learned that sometimes, in the darkest days, we just need people to listen.   Sometimes the words that we use don't actually comfort people....the best thing we can do is listen and just BE there with them.  Now, I don't mean this bad and if you are thinking....Oh, did I do this...no worries....I know people were trying to say the right things and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.  But, I always knew people were trying.

7. I have learned that even in the toughest of times we will be given positive things to focus on.  I try to be a very positive person, but struggled a lot at the end of the year.  However, the students I had this semester, the friends that were present, my wonderful family, the prayers people prayed, and the things I allowed myself to enjoy helped bring the optimism back.

8. I have learned my girls are resilient and I could not be any more proud of them.  They are amazing. I appreciate their health and giggles more than ever.  I have learned my husband is amazing.  He is always willing to listen and be there.  He has allowed me to cry tears of sadness and tears of joy and has continued to love me.

9.  I have learned we are going to be okay.  In early October I wondered how we would make it day to day....and now I know we can.  We will have tough days and probably go through tough times.  We still will live blood sugar check to blood sugar check. But, I can tell we will be okay.

I love my sweet family!  

2013 has taught me a lot.  However, I am good with it going away and I pray that 2014 is a year of love, laughter, good health, and good memories for my family and yours.  Happy New Year (almost)!  :)